guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her vagine was all disorganized.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
