Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
