Well apparently he's into motor boating.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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