His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
