and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
