I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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