i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The air taste purple.
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