I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
