you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
