She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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