The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
