my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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