Soap is not a condiment
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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