This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
