I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
