his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
