Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize