I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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