What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
