3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
