Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
