She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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