oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
false alarm, still single
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