We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
