butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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