and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
