so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
