I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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