I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
