I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
