i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
