How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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