I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
