Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How external is "for external use only"?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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