I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
