So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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