I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
