Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
