Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
