i just had sex bonerless
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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