I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
