im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
