i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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