i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
