lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
