I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
