I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
