Someone shit on the floor
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I intend to get homeless drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
