For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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