still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is Oprah even human
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
