did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
