Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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